should i be happy? i’m listening to a familiar tune now, and i realize --- i don’t feel a thing anymore. sure, there’s that tiny tug that pulls at your heart. but it’s negligible. i can easily tune it out with a wave of my hand.
is this what i want? gone is the confusion. gone is the roller-coaster of emotions. but now i just feel … raw of any emotion. nothing. and i should be happy. this is what i wanted: to finally get it out of my system. but then again --- is this what it all ends up to?
yesterday, i stayed home from work and school and had some time in my hands to think things over (by the way, dangerous thing it is to leave me with my thoughts). and i actually realized the wisdom to the old adage, “what doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.”
i’d like to think i learned a lot from all this: when to hold on, when to let go, when not to get in over your head, and that you actually have to give some to get some.
so i guess i should be proud of myself. sure, i’m in some state of limbo right now, but this is so much more comfortable than the uncertainty of the past few months. for now, i’d rather pass up on the romanticism of swimming in a strange sea and keep my feet safe and dry on land.
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