writer's block

blank. today, it seems that my mind has suddenly decided to go blank. i’ve been staring at a blank page of my pc for the entire afternoon now, and i can’t even seem to fish a single coherent string of words from my brain.

i’m not that surprised though. this has been going on a lot lately. fresh ideas, especially when i have to write for work, have become few and hard to come by. maybe i’ve just exhausted the last of my creative juices. maybe i am once again on the downside of my depression cycle. maybe i’m just bored.

and today is another one of those days. i’m feeling embarrassingly lethargic, i wish i just stayed home with the tv and a bowl of cheese balls.

why is this happening? it’s not like i’ve always wanted to be a writer --- hell, i even resisted the idea at first. if you told me 10 years ago that i’d end up as a writer, i’d have laughed at your face. but today, this is what defines me. at least at the workplace. and now, i am becoming … well, inefficient. those days when a terrible block hits me, i just stare off into space, being totally useless.

this is not doing me any good, especially when i have my deadlines to answer for. and i hate it when i turn in mediocre, uninspired work when pressed cornered by time.

this has got to stop. if not for my sense of self, at least for my sanity. but how? what is it that i want? what is to become of me? again, i throw this question out into the cosmic void. if anyone has the answer, this anguished soul would be eternally grateful…