retraction

suddenly the article i’m writing, which i was actually excited to finish, doesn’t seem so interesting anymore. suddenly dark clouds seem to take over the sky which was so optimistically blue earlier. suddenly i’m not so okay as i thought i was …

it was just over an hour ago that i posted that i was finally coming to terms with this issue which has been weighing me down like a boulder. then i come across something that suddenly crashes over my head, breaks down the dam which i thought i had slowly but firmly built, and lets all hell break loose in my head.

it was there. all the proof i needed. in black and white. every word of that short phrase stung so bad, my eyes clouded over. but perhaps the saddest part about is that there’s no taking back or turning back.

oh, and that thing i said earlier that i don’t feel a thing anymore? screw that. i am human after all, and no matter how many times i tell myself that it doesn’t matter anymore, it actually does.

but if there’s one thing i’ve learned from all this, it’s that you actually have to ride the emotion to get through it. you can’t deny or keep it all bottled up, lest it boils over and becomes a bigger problem in the long run. like labor contractions or a rainstorm, the only way to get over them is to live through them.

and that is how i know i will be fine and that i will be stronger when i get through this. just give me time …