okay, i admit it. a few things have been tugging at mind lately … one in particular. and it’s embarrassing to admit because it’s actually quite juvenile. matters of the heart can be quite complicated, especially if you over-analyze things, and i guess that’s what’s been distracting me lately.
as i had written earlier, i had resolved to momentarily shut off that concern. but, as most resolutions go, apparently i do not have enough will power to be consistent. i’m good for a day -- two at most – and then, just one little sign or reminder, and i’m at it again. i, voluntarily or involuntarily, subject myself to that same pattern of roller-coaster emotions, until it wears me out and i again swear to have nothing to do with it anymore. despite the uncommon degree of common sense i claim to have, i can’t pull myself out of this puzzle. i never seem to learn. it’s like high school all over again, only that the stakes are higher since i no longer have adolesence to blame for my blunders.
why is it that when it comes to other people in the same situation, i can easily propose effective solutions and courses of action? why is it that even when i’ve mapped out a seemingly fool-proof plan, i can never follow through? how is it possible that a level-headed, ordinarily street-smart person can survive the corporate world, and not be able to figure out something as juvenile as this? i’m stumped …
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Thursday, October 28, 2004
swimming in a strange sea ...
don’t you agree that everyone should at least mean what they say or say what they mean? life would definitely be easier to maneuver through minus all the ambiguity. i hate floating in a haze – never knowing what the real story is. i’m totally in the dark, and the worst part about it is, it is partly my own doing.
right now, i’m feeling exhausted from making heads or tails of a particular situation. it’s been a constant roller-coaster of emotions for about two years now, and frankly, it’s wearing me out. i believe i would actually be shouting out in frustration if i weren’t in the office right now. but then again, maybe i’m over-analyzing things … or maybe it’s about time i get a shrink.
either way, i’ve resolved to shut out that aspect of my life (yeah right, for about the nth time now …). i figure, if there’s nothing more i can do about it, why cause myself the unnecessary stress? i’m not even making sense to myself now. wish me luck …
right now, i’m feeling exhausted from making heads or tails of a particular situation. it’s been a constant roller-coaster of emotions for about two years now, and frankly, it’s wearing me out. i believe i would actually be shouting out in frustration if i weren’t in the office right now. but then again, maybe i’m over-analyzing things … or maybe it’s about time i get a shrink.
either way, i’ve resolved to shut out that aspect of my life (yeah right, for about the nth time now …). i figure, if there’s nothing more i can do about it, why cause myself the unnecessary stress? i’m not even making sense to myself now. wish me luck …
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
too much of a good thing ... well, maybe not just yet :o)
red wine is good for your health, they say. but too much of it is bad news, especially if you have to be at your desk at 8am the following morning…
things are going quite well this week, as compared to the last time i posted. and it does help when your friends are feeling good about themselves too (i guess my melancholic mood was partly influenced by the fact that my friends were feeling a bit “lonely” last week too).
we were hanging out at the wineshop last night after a hearty dinner of cebu’s famous “sinugba” foods. it’s our latest watering hole nowadays –-- the wineshop i mean. we figured the coffee shop act was getting kinda old for us and we wanted to try something new.
it’s a nice, comfortable place --- musky, log-cabin interiors with the relaxing strings of a gypsy kings CD piped in (although later in the night, they started playing pseudo-pop dance tunes and i was like, “what the …?!”). they had a tapa bar and chips you could munch on, but the star of the place was of course, the wine. the shelves stock a varied selection of red and white wines which could fit well into a humble budget.
which brings me back to my original premise. i guess 4 or 5 glasses is just beyond my comfort zone. i can’t say i was stoned, not even tipsy. but let’s just say that although i slept soundly when i got home, i didn’t exactly feel great in the morning. i had to drag myself out of bed and i’m feeling bloated all day.
but i’m not complaining. the place was good, the wine was great, but the company was even better. although we had a common affinity with the same office at one point or another in our lives, it was definitely a smorgasbord of varied and interesting personalities. the conversation ranged from the integrity of the bar exams, to calling card delivery complaints, and to the inevitable ghost stories.
by the end of the night, we had downed 4 bottles and set a sushi party at jv’s house this friday. that’ll be a fun read for my next blog --- cold fish in the raw! hahaha … till then!
things are going quite well this week, as compared to the last time i posted. and it does help when your friends are feeling good about themselves too (i guess my melancholic mood was partly influenced by the fact that my friends were feeling a bit “lonely” last week too).
we were hanging out at the wineshop last night after a hearty dinner of cebu’s famous “sinugba” foods. it’s our latest watering hole nowadays –-- the wineshop i mean. we figured the coffee shop act was getting kinda old for us and we wanted to try something new.
it’s a nice, comfortable place --- musky, log-cabin interiors with the relaxing strings of a gypsy kings CD piped in (although later in the night, they started playing pseudo-pop dance tunes and i was like, “what the …?!”). they had a tapa bar and chips you could munch on, but the star of the place was of course, the wine. the shelves stock a varied selection of red and white wines which could fit well into a humble budget.
which brings me back to my original premise. i guess 4 or 5 glasses is just beyond my comfort zone. i can’t say i was stoned, not even tipsy. but let’s just say that although i slept soundly when i got home, i didn’t exactly feel great in the morning. i had to drag myself out of bed and i’m feeling bloated all day.
but i’m not complaining. the place was good, the wine was great, but the company was even better. although we had a common affinity with the same office at one point or another in our lives, it was definitely a smorgasbord of varied and interesting personalities. the conversation ranged from the integrity of the bar exams, to calling card delivery complaints, and to the inevitable ghost stories.
by the end of the night, we had downed 4 bottles and set a sushi party at jv’s house this friday. that’ll be a fun read for my next blog --- cold fish in the raw! hahaha … till then!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
under the weather
now this is a nice note to start my blog with ...
once again i find myself in semi-melancholic mode to jive with the weather outside (or at least the weather when i left the house. now i'm stuck in a god-forsaken black turtleneck and it's not even half that cold anymore ...).
i dunno. maybe it's the weather. maybe it's just my new medication. or maybe it's because my so-called life basically sucks nowadays. at any rate, i'm stuck in a rut --- both at work and at school --- for almost two weeks now and i can't seem to nudge myself out of it. and so i'm sending out an SOS to the infinite cosmic void out there ... if you know anything that'll work, please be kind and do tell (the chocolate decadence i had for dessert definitely didn't work).
once again i find myself in semi-melancholic mode to jive with the weather outside (or at least the weather when i left the house. now i'm stuck in a god-forsaken black turtleneck and it's not even half that cold anymore ...).
i dunno. maybe it's the weather. maybe it's just my new medication. or maybe it's because my so-called life basically sucks nowadays. at any rate, i'm stuck in a rut --- both at work and at school --- for almost two weeks now and i can't seem to nudge myself out of it. and so i'm sending out an SOS to the infinite cosmic void out there ... if you know anything that'll work, please be kind and do tell (the chocolate decadence i had for dessert definitely didn't work).
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